12 o' clock............i forgot the Meridiem

It had to start someday or the other, Ya I was sure of it!! What kept boggling me was what could be the most genuine impulse for this to begin. Was it going to begin with some of those joyous memories gathering out of my days of puerility to post-adolescence at schoolhouse or those from; ofcourse a very few, but those time in life with which all of us desire to stagnate with—those spanned moments of success when I was outstanding a lot of my tribe standing high among jealous and envying from the deepest of their hearts although trying and felicitating……..ohh just leave it.

Some really easy-going people; simple but thoughtful in most truest manner have a view that no Harry can ever be a friend to Sally……

Did a “why” pop ur brain? Then go and watch the movie for the answer…….meanwhile I just have to say that I feel something more general and much more ‘would/could be acceptable’…….amidst the fact that the most accepted are the most debated too.

So as the movie says its untrue for a Harry and a Sally being friends, the sex thing comes in between; I really as I said had a much more generalized thinking to express and that is, “every relation whatever it may be is the worst mistake anyone commits…the SELF thing comes in between”

If you ask me one good reason, I do have one good answer too. Do recall the best ever relation you made; the one person you think you could relate yourself among the best of the best of your relations. Take a pause……..THINK….recall.

I know you do have one…….someone. I know you have an answer. I know you have someone you think you are a relative to and you will tell me that’s not a mistake. ISN’T IT?

A lot of people went through your mind just now……the best of all best!! And in a hurry you successfully compared one against another….and ended over someone whom you did feel was that someone you could bring before me laughing at me telling; “you were not right.”

But what I succeeded in doing now is that you already realised that a lot of relations you just walked over comparing the advantages of your BESTS with shortcomings of the BETTERS; were in one way or the other; mistakes you did make.

That’s what I’m up with. In my short or long whatever run it may be; I did gain from my vicinity that we are all common under a single act; “We choose the best option……be it a thing or a being……….what matters is the SELF, which should win”

I did feel sometimes why thoughts emerged from within me, why did I speak to myself all those time I really needed someone to speak, all those times I compared my relations……..ohh ohh! I mean options.

Among some of those times I decided to note down these talks; but then I feared every time that if I did so I may probably lose the single true person I could talk flawlessly. The things do have a chance to bend from a zone of “no reason” to a desired aim, to be achieved; and I may come to an end “talking to the real me” and gradually compel that hidden, safe and true myself to talk to me whenever I wanted rather than letting him talk whatever he wished to.

So I made a wish; Yes, not a decision but a wish that, “May this all begin without a real cause”, as I too believe that every cause has a definite effect just as every past determines a future.

Amongst all these confusions, I sometimes thought I would start writing some or the other of these themes but if I did so it was again beginning with a cause when suddenly I felt it began that day when I unopened a book where I read stuffs which never saw an end although they seemed to end in words.

The underpage of the same book read, “I can’t speak but my voice resonates in every sip!”

………….So, I guess I have a desire to be that voice.

The moment I say this, I find myself screwed in my own captivity deviating to a purpose as I carefully notice a desire which I always fear but what I am successful still with is; I’m still letting the myself speak whenever he decides.

……………Optimistic? Yes I’m.

but what was this I was writing all this time…………What the hell was it?????

topsy-turvyness....................

is it that we enjoy less what's good to us or regret more for what didn't happen so well?

It might not......END.

We meet folks, forget them.

We make relations, they end.
Someone newfangled, fascinates;
but then comes out, the same..
A lot of those we find, cheering;
and so often, they fade.
Some sincere hardships
but somehow in vain.
Feelings....yes they were true
ended......they didn't have to
unseen....uncared
ruined by them
They were actually meant.

Amongst everything happening this way...

WE..
we rise again...
A bit more sturdy....
A thought more strong..
Reconciled..
A feather more added..
experienced......they say.

And then..
Again we meet
Again we make
Again we find..feel for them
Again we work hard..

Just a hope that..
this time....maybe
IT MIGHT NOT END.

drawn a blank

there be a difference

between
forgotten and "yet to forget"
..........and the differnce is..........
the latter is actually an optimistic way
to describe "cannot be forgotten"
...and the bitter truth is....
tis optimism is
an extremely complicated form of hypocrisy
which has prevailed long
but
..was never right..

.........a brother's testimony

from the days i have opened my eyes to this world,i have found you around me.
you were always there,whether it was studying under the same lantern in those days of 90s or whether it was playing cricket on our rooftop;collecting
feathers for my nature album for the summer project,or learning algebra and trigonometry from dadu(when i was not even admitted to school);plucking
flowers from the khemka villa or collecting green mangoes from the mango garden on the way to school, whether it was fighting brutally for small
scraps(and later on getting spanked by our parents)or indulging me in every mischievous activities we did. . .you have always been the driving force of my
life.


there are infinite instances when i got you into trouble;do you remember the incident in 3rd standard when i had confessed to thomaskutty sir that i had
written in your handwriting copy instead of you. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .nostalgic na,very nostalgic!!!


you were much more ambitious and creative than i ever was,and adamant as well.
our very own pc at home was a result of that.
you were very different from me,maybe thats why we complement each other in a perfect manner.


now that we are at different places realizing our goals........i wish you all the best in your life.
i hope that the relationship between us doesnt change despite of whatever we become in future.
remember that you come first for me amongst everything else!!!so dont dare to give my place to anyone else. . . . . . .thats it!

Sometimes for no Reason.....

"Nature never allows sharp turns...” was the voice from the prof; which struck my ears
and dragged me out of my own urbane wonderland where I deliberately reside tired of the
monotony which the real world provides.

Almost in the post-awakened situation, I actually did undergo a sharp turn you see, "from
steadiness of peace to extreme shrillness of the gossips all around in the vicinity" ; gossips those arising from queries of missed out words of the prof's litany, gossips those from last night Prison-break episode and gossips of the assassinations done in the weekend counter-strike session of the most sophisticated and ahead of time weapons.
Oh yes! There were some intellectual discussions too, let me not call them gossips as
the real world acclaims these talks vicariously........and they were the talks from the
early morning newspaper headlines mostly converged to the new superhero, the world was about to accept , "the US president-elect Barack Obama".

The moment I had come out of my world, something was troubling me. I wasn’t pretty sure if the prof-eyes were actually targeting me and I had no cue how to deviate his attention from mine when ultimately I realised that he had caught hold of Vastav, who was endlessly scribbling something in his notebook. The interesting thing was that he was seated immediate ahead of me.

Out of curiosity, rather sarcasm; all of a sudden, upsetting once again the law of nature concerning sharp turns, the class followed a dead silence ending up all intellectual and non-intellectual talks and then a sharp undivided attention was focused on a small area intensifying the situation, and emphasizing the saying that “one is a defaulter only when caught”

The scene to follow was
prof.: so young man, what are you up with? I am sure you aren’t here. Right??
Vastav: sir, actually I was.
prof.: Then probably you would be up with the answer to the question we just ended with, why don't you show me your notebook.

And off course his notebook had no real answers but some very different and amazing combination of alphabets and numbers written together in some very unusual manner.

prof.: where's your calculator?
Vastav: I don’t have one sir, I actually don’t use one.
prof.: So, how are u gonna write the exact answer, I guess you will end up in trigonometric notation possibly losing some marks simply..
Vastav : No sir, give me a minute. The answer is.....

and then what followed was silence within the pre-existing silence, even the hammer strokes from the construction site atleast a few hundred meters could be heard. Alas the answer was correct upto a few digits even after the decimal......
No one was at ease. It was not something regular.
Incidences like this from the real world have kept happening and have been liked as stories but never been allowed being general as what we tend to follow are rules.
The rule "nature never allows sharp turns..".
The question is, "IS IT??"
And the answer is "nature allows all sort of turns actually, but we don’t like sharp turns."
Actually the process of randomness affects our comfortable pre-occupied and established civilized thinking.

Whole night I was boggled with thoughts............afterall what's the reason a badly disturbed person on his way back gets so joyed watching kids at games of twilight.
A simple process of sunrise being poetically made a whole new package by every different poet, the waves breaking at the shore, gushing and noisy but whose noise satiates peace and rest in the soul. The existence of most truthful smiles on the
neediest faces.
The extreme love found in someone, you can’t sometimes define within relations.......SOMETIMES FOR NO REASON.....that's actually the
nature what we keep underestimating; trying to grab it within our liked laws stealthily.

On the other hand the truth actually galores with a huge amount of entropy. Appearing arbitrary to some cannot be ended unrecognised all the time.
The nation deserves betters which refrain travelling the travelled paths, agents of difference, alterers of obsessions.
Randomness of chaotic brains shouldn’t die out in the monotonous run, rather be
carefully observed and sieved.

Early in the morning the other day.........I was still thinking "why do people have to be different from others all the time? Why laws of some have to be followed by all? Why luck has to be a thing? Why the hell we have a word destiny?

God the hell inside me was inflaming at its worst and i really could take no more.......Why? why? why?...a bang on the desk.....and the stuffs scattered in every possible way all around.

Tranquility prevailed.......but i was in the eyes of vicinity

Honestly speaking; if someone asks me what your hobbies are, I know what a tough time we'll have when I begin explicating the sentence, "to unearth my undulating elegant world where the nature actually allows anything...."